I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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