May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Ketchup is God's man juice
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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