I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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