john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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