I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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