You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
