sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
