Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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