Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
