Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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