I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
