She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
