Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
