she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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