You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
