I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i was born a porn star she said
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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