1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
