That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
