Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
