True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i am craving dick and cupcakes
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
