conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
