Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
