I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
