I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
