booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
