i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
