thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
