she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
