Pants 0. Shit 1.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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