Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
