Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
