Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
