it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
