Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize