All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
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