I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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