I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
