lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
