dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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