I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
