Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
