Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
