i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
