Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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