You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
