So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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