dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
