Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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