I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
