you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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