I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
