Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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