dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
