i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
