I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
