How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
