You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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