I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize