we have officially lost it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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