Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
