then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
