Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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