The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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