i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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