I'm sorry my penis didn't work
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
