so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
