I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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