my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize