u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
