You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Small penises have feelings too.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
