I should be sponsored by Trojan
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
