FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
