I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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