i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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