Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
