Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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