Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
