Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
