well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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